Captain
Veal watched the five coffins float away from her ship, the reflected light of
distant suns turning them into tiny points of light as they drifted into the
endless void between the stars.
Two
of the coffins were empty. Ashari and Zo'traka had wanted to be buried on their
homeworlds. Their bodies were now stored in the Valkyrie's
stasis chambers until the day their will could be fulfilled, but the obsequies
had been held for everyone the Cardassians had killed. Five more people had died
under Tarin's command and they wouldn't be the last.
Life
in Starfleet had always been a risk. 'No,' Tarin thought, 'not just
in Starfleet.' From the first day Humans, Centaurans, and dozens of other
species had taken their first steps beyond their own worlds, people had died in
the quest to explore, to reach out, to discover what the universe held in store
for them. But this time it had nearly cost the life of the man she loved.
Captain Veal turned away from the window when she could no longer distinguish the coffins from the blackness of space that surrounded them, and so did her senior officers. When the group had dispersed, officers and enlisted alike going back to their business, to their own lives, the one still at her side was Counselor Lee.
"Catherine."
Tarin nodded at her friend and for the first time in two days a smile started to
play around her lips as she realized how much of a friend Catherine had indeed
become to her. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No, but I thought I could do something for you." It wasn't what Catherine wanted to say - she wanted to ask why Tarin had been so withdrawn the last two days, spending nearly all her off-duty hours on the holodeck. Considering how the Valkyrie’s technical problems had turned out not to be as severe as they had seemed at first, Catherine had expected Tarin to devote much more time to their current patrol mission and even more of it to her fiancé. "I would like to invite you and Ben to dinner. I am not much of a cook, but I have some personal replicator templates you won't find in the ship's computer."
"I
would love to, but I'll have to ask Ben. On the other hand I doubt that he would
say no." When she replied to the dinner invitation Tarin sounded happy
enough, but mentioning her fiancé Tarin’s voice dropped a notch.
"So
do I.” Catherine knew her CO needed no invitation if she felt the need to talk
about her personal life, but it couldn’t hurt to provide her with the
opportunity she might need. “Say, how is Commander Tucker? I heard he will be
released from sickbay in a day or two."
"That's
what Doctor Jascar told me." Tarin hesitated for a moment. "It may
take a little longer until he is back on duty, but that shouldn't stop us from
paying you a visit." She nodded at the counselor. "If you will excuse
me."
As
Tarin turned away Catherine gently placed a hand on the captain's arm. "I
don't want to intrude, but is there anything wrong between you two? I heard that
you visited Ben only once the last two days and then only briefly." When
Tarin turned around again Catherine Lee was quick to add: "I am only asking
as a friend, not as the ship's counselor."
A
smile blossomed on Tarin’s face. "Don't worry. I know you have only our
best interests in mind, both as a counselor and as a friend." She glanced
out the window again, at the distant stars. "There has just been a lot on
my mind lately, but I see no reason not to share it with you."
*****
“Hello,
Commander. How are you doing?”
Ben
used both arms to push himself into a sitting position and leaned against the
bed’s headboard. “The headache comes back only once in a while, my vision
has cleared and my lungs hurt only when I take a really deep breath. Just give
me a day or two and I’ll be as good as new.” Commander Tucker managed a
confident smile before he added: “But isn’t it about time you start calling
me Ben instead of Commander?”
“I
will, but only if you call me Catherine or Mei Hsin, both are fine by me,”
Counselor Lee agreed.
“Deal.”
Ben extended his hand to her and Catherine shook it. The Commander’s grip was
weaker than she had expected, but apart from that he seemed to be on the way to
a speedy recovery. “I should let you get some more rest.”
Ben
Tucker let go of the Counselor’s hand and gripped her wrist with all the
strength he could muster. “Please don’t go. There is something I need to ask
you.”
Catherine
Lee sank into a chair and gently freed her arm from Ben Tucker’s grasp.
Despite the speedy recovery he and Doctor Jascar had talked about, the
engineer’s grip on her arm seemed rather weak, still lacking resolve. “What
is it you want to know?”
“I
see that you have just come from the funeral service.” It was obvious, as
Catherine Lee was in her dress uniform, a strip of black cloth fixed across her communicator, but she nodded nonetheless.
“Tell
me how Tarin is handling it.”
Catherine
starred at him, thunderstruck for several seconds, before she started to recover
from her surprise. “You want me to tell you how your
fiancée is feeling? If you think you can’t ask her yourself, you should start
calling me Counselor again, Commander Tucker.”
Ben
snorted - at least that’s what Catherine thought he tried, before a sudden
pain turned the sound into a groan. Before she could react he shook his head.
“It’s okay... just need a moment. . .” Ben leaned back against the
headboard and willed his breathing to be slow and steady. When the pain faded he
looked at Catherine again.
“Look,
I can guess what you think, but that’s not it. I have asked you how Tarin is
handling this situation, not what she feels.” He paused until he was fairly
certain from Catherine’s softening expression that she was willing to listen
to the rest of his explanation. “I know what must be going through Tarin’s
head these days, especially now, with the obsequies just finished. And you know,
the last thing she needs is to be reminded of those feelings by me. That’s why
I asked you how Tarin is doing.”
“You
think she is afraid that you will be hurt again and you don’t want to confront
her with that fear?”
“No,
Catherine. She is not afraid that I will be hurt, she must be deadly afraid that
I will get killed under her command. I
don’t know all the details and she wasn’t in command, but she has seen one
lover die right before her eyes. She has told me about it as much as she could
and however it happened, it wasn’t easy on her.”
*****
Tarin
wasn’t in the mood to go back to her quarters, but neither was she feeling
much like spending the evening with her friends and colleagues. She could visit
Ben in sickbay, see how he was doing, but he knew about the obsequies for the
crewmen killed by the Cardassians. He might not even mention it, but it was the
last thing she wanted to risk talking about.
Tarin
entered Ben’s quarters and took just one step forward, so the door could close
behind her. Ben’s living room was almost completely dark, only lit by the
light of distant stars shining through the forward windows. “Lights, half
strength”
She
leaned against the bulkhead and let her eyes wander around the room. The
workstation to her right, the small dining table with only two chairs, the sofa
and the easy chairs, the chaise in the corner. All too many little details she
took already for granted; the framed letters of commendation - a scientific
achievement award, two engineering achievement awards - but there was a lot more.
Here
was a picture of his father, there a picture of Ben and Tarin on Deneva, like
the one she had in her own quarters. There was the glowing crystal he had
purchased on Polaris when they had visited the Caverns of Light, it’s
brightness and color varying with every breath she took, every sound she made.
It had all become so familiar during the last few months that it took a while to register on Tarin’s mind, but when it did, a smile played around her lips. Perhaps she couldn’t keep Ben safe, perhaps she couldn’t protect him from the dangers inherent in the Valkyrie’s mission, but they were together at last, after all the years of their long-distance relationship. It seemed selfish, egotistical, but Tarin was certain that Ben wanted it as much as she did.
Tarin
kneeled down and opened the small cupboard under the replicator. ‘Ah,
knew he kept it in here.’ She took a bottle and a glass from the cupboard
and made herself comfortable on the sofa propping her legs on the table, before
she poured herself a glass of scotch.
‘He even has the same taste in drinks as Carl had.’ Tarin took a small sip of whiskey as she thought about the similarities between Ben Tucker and Carl Summers. No, they had things in common, but not as much as she had thought when she first met Ben. ‘Still, Carl would have liked him.’
*****
“I
think you are reading too much into it,” Catherine Lee said. “I believe
Tarin is just struggling with the fact that the Cardassians tricked us, despite
all the care she took to avoid any possible trap. That must be quite frustrating
for her.”
“That
would make a lot of sense,” Ben replied, “but if that’s all there is, why
has she hardly visited me at all, and why has it only been for a few minutes
when she did?”
Counselor
Lee smiled. “Because seeing you would be a strong reminder – maybe the
strongest reminder possible - that she fell for the Cardassians’ trap. That
would only increase her frustration and she would then associate that
frustration with any visit she pays you.” Catherine’s smile widened. “I
know it sounds like something only a counselor, or at least an outside observer,
could think of, but the subconscious mind works in quite complex ways. Sometimes
we realize it ourselves and sometimes we don’t, but it always influences our
decisions.”
Ben’s
brows furrowed as he tried his best to imagine Tarin’s motives and feelings
without projecting his own fears on her. Even the slow realization that he had
done just that – projected his own fears on Tarin – did little to alleviate
his doubts. “Could be that you are right. . .” He fell silent for a while
and Catherine Lee gave him the time he needed to think things through.
“There’s
certainly some logic to what you say, but. . .”
“But
you are still not convinced.” Catherine sighed. It was great to know how much
Ben and Tarin cared for each other. Perhaps it had been inevitable that there
would be a drawback sooner or later.
She
leaned forward in her chair and spoke softly. “Tarin has been very busy the
last two days. There is an ongoing investigation into how the Cardassians
managed to knock out our computer systems, there were the obsequies to organize,
letters to write to the families of the crewmen killed, not to mention her
regular duties. You see that it has been a busy two days for Tarin.”
“I
know. It’s just that. . . oh, I don’t know.”
“You
think if the roles were reversed you would find the time to visit her more often
and longer than she has visited you?” Ben nodded and Catherine leaned closer
to him. “I know you may not be willing to trust me or yourself on this, but
you should just have faith in Tarin.”
*****
Lieutenant
Tucker looked over the lights of the city, but neither they nor the voices of
his two friends touched more than the surface of his mind. He had done it again,
ruined another relationship with his frank and outspoken ways. That was the past,
but it still hurt. Many of his colleagues envied him for his good looks and his
luck with the fairer sex, but if only they knew how little luck he really had
with women they would think twice about wishing to be in his shoes.
He
sighed and focused his attention on the here and now. There was no use thinking
about the past, it never had been. There would be another woman, another
girlfriend, but going steady, that was something else. Deep down inside Ben
Tucker knew he would do it all over again – falling madly in love, being up on
cloud number nine and then saying something that would ruin it all. But what was
he supposed to do? It was just how life always turned out. Perhaps it wasn’t
his fault at all, but simply his fate. ‘Yes, fate, that must be it,’ he concluded and turned his
attention to the future.
At
least he was now two dozen light-years away from Aziza and it was probably for
the best. Three months
of intensive
studies
might be just what he needed and he could spend the time with some of his
friends. What was it they were talking about right now? Ah yes, the same he had
just thought about, the upcoming curriculum. Again Ben looked down at the lights
of the city far beyond the terrace of the club.
Deneva
VII was a beautiful world, perhaps not as beautiful as Earth, but still a nice
place and this bar Carlos had found had a great view of the city nestled in the
valley below. ‘Now where’s the Academy
campus?’ There it was, at the edge of the city, a sprawling complex of low
buildings with the main observatory the largest building. Three months Ben would
spend there, studying astrophysics, warp field dynamics and a myriad of related
sciences under the best experts Starfleet had to offer.
This
was the turning point of his career, going from a glorified technician to a
starship designer, if only he could master the underlying principles behind what
he had dealt with every day since graduating from the Academy. At least he
wouldn’t have to go it alone.
He
smiled as he looked at Carlos de Sousa and Kurob Danaka, the two best friends he
could have ever wished for. The Human and the Andorian were engaged in a
discussion about the benefits of the warp-scale change, but Ben knew it was all
light-hearted fun, arguing for the sake of the argument alone and the smiles and
laughs of his comrades confirmed it.
When
he surveyed the terrace and the club, Ben again noticed how few people were
present. Club Diamond was stylish, the view from the terrace was great, but it
was probably just too far from the city to do much business on a workday. He
glanced at his glass and thought about ordering another beer, but as he turned
his eyes to the bar and raised his hand to get the waiters attention every
thought about another drink vanished from his mind.
*****
Lieutenant
Veal looked up from the viewer and noticed that she was alone in the library.
The sky outside the huge windows was faintly lit by the last rays of sunlight,
but it was getting dark fast. Glancing at the clock on the far wall Tarin shook
her head. Everyone had probably left at least an hour ago, but once again she
had completely forgotten the time. She saved her research to her personal file
and rose.
As
she made her way to her quarters she noticed how quiet and empty the building
was at this time of the day. At least half of her colleagues had apartments off
campus and those who didn’t where minding there own business this late in the
evening, either staying in their quarters or enjoying themselves off campus.
Tarin
stopped in a corridor junction and slowly shook her head to herself. No, she
could never be part of that, working 9-to-5, going home in the evening,
forgetting about everything else, as much as she had come to like teaching at
the Deneva Academy. She had fallen into some kind of routine herself, but what
she still wanted was to travel among the stars, see the wonders of the universe
first-hand.
But
today she would break her own personal routine. It had been six years two days
ago, but she had been too busy preparing the courses for the new students who
would arrive tomorrow. It felt very wrong to admit it, but it was not just her
work that had made her miss Carl a little less than on each other anniversary
of. . . that
day.
Today
she would make up for it. She would go out and have a drink in Carl’s honor,
celebrate his memory. Club Diamond was probably her best choice. She would have
the privacy she was looking for and she could indulge in the beautiful view from
the club’s terrace, share it with the man who still lived on in her memory.
Walking
onward again she headed for her quarters, thinking about what she was going to
wear. Not her uniform, that much was certain. She wanted this evening to be
about two persons, not just two Starfleet officers.
*****
Carlos
de Sousa fell silent and pointed his chin at the bar. Kurob Danka looked over
his shoulder and his voice trailed off. A glance at Ben showed him that his
human friend had seen the woman too. He placed a hand on Lieutenant Tucker’s
arm, but quickly let go again, realizing that it would be no use. He turned his
head to Carlos again, but de Sousa just shrugged and rolled his eyes. Like the
Andorian he knew that there was no use in trying to stop their friend from
making another one of his regular mistakes when it came to women. Ben would fall
madly in love again, but like everything that fell he would crash to the ground
eventually.
Ben
took his time as he walked into the club and headed for the bar. She was around
Ben’s age, perhaps a little younger, in her mid 20’s. Dark gray pants, red
blouse, topped off with a light gray blazer.
What Ben saw of her
figure he
liked; definitely female with just the right curves in the right places. Before
the blonde sat down on one of the bar-stools and turned her back on him, Ben got
a good look at her face and found it equally attractive. ‘I
bet she looks just gorgeous when she smiles.’
As
he lowered himself on a stool near her, Ben wondered who she was. ‘Most
likely one of the colonists,’ he thought. The Deneva system had been of
some importance to Federation trade in the last century, but trade routes had
changed over time. Now this was just one of many established colonies, with
people living their lives much like everyone did back home on Earth. There were
enough visitors on the planet, but how many of them would find their way to an
out-of-the-way bar likes this one?
Ben
took position about two meters away from her and waited until she had ordered a
drink – straight scotch, which surprised him. He had figured her more for the
wine type, but it didn’t really matter. It was time for him to make his move.
He took two steps towards her and placed a hand on the counter. “Hi.”
It
was anything but original, but combined with his good looks and his most
charming smile – which he put on without any effort – it had worked for him
quite often in the past. This time it was not to be. She just shot him a
sideways glance and replied with a “Hello” that wasn’t unfriendly, but
certainly not as agreeable as Ben had hoped for. But whatever her reply was, it
certainly didn’t discourage him.
“I
am Ben Tucker, Lieutenant Ben Tucker.” He was still in uniform, but it never
hurt to remind a girl that he was one of the best of the best the Federation had
to offer. “You can call me Ben.” Still nothing. Should he force the issue or
not? One more step couldn’t hurt he decided. “And you are?” he asked.
”Thirsty,”
she replied and reached for the glass the barkeep had just placed on the counter.
Ben
grinned as he saw the smile playing around the corners of her mouth, even if she
was probably more amused by her own wit than his presence. ‘She
does look gorgeous when she smiles.’
Perhaps
it was time to rethink his strategy. Good looks and the uniform wouldn’t get
him very far with her, but he had cracked tougher nuts. Ben motioned the barman
closer and ordered another beer before exchanging a few hushed words with the
man behind the counter, who winked and nodded. As Ben took a gulp of beer the
barkeeper pressed a few controls under the counter and the first chords of music
drifted through the club. ‘Yes, this guy knows what he’s doing,’ Ben thought and
slightly raised his glass to the barkeeper.
He
let the first song run it’s course and eyed the blonde. She took another small
sip of scotch and while she looked deep in thought, she taped a foot to the
music. ‘Good.’ Ben Tucker rose as
the next song started. ‘God, how I love
this tune,’ Ben thought as he recognized Sinatra’s interpretation of Fly
me to the Moon. Just right for him. “Would you like to dance?” he asked.
For a second the woman looked surprised, but when she looked down at the hand he offered a smile blossomed on her face and she took Ben’s hand. “Why not?,” she said as she put down her glass and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor.
*****
„And
you didn’t even get her name?“
Ben
shook his head at Carlos de Sousa’s incredulous comment. They had found seats
in one of the rear rows of the auditorium and had talked softly, but now a few
heads turned to them at Carlos’ unexpected outburst. “I told you we danced
for ages and then talked and talked, but most of the time I did the talking.”
“That’s just not like you, Ben,” Kurob Danaka remarked. “Well, then it’s just not like me, okay. Let it go guys,” Ben Tucker replied crossly while replaying the last evening in his mind.
At
first they had danced, then danced some more and more. He considered himself not
such a bad dancer, but she had kept up with him and Ben was certain she had held
back when he reached his limits. After they had both regained their breath they
had settled on the terrace; Carlos and Kurob had been long gone by that time and
they had the place to themselves. They had started to talk and when they
finished it was around two in the morning.
Actually
he had done most of the talking, telling her about his youth, his time at the
Academy, his
life in Starfleet, everything there was to know about him. With Carlos and Kurob
he had had some conversations like it before, but never with any girl he had
been interested in.
Somehow
he had had the feeling she was a lot more interested in who he was and much less
in the facade of the handsome dashing Starfleet officer he so often presented.
While he could clearly recall her face and figure, he had felt so comfortable
around her that he had completely forgotten that it was her physique that had
initially attracted him to her.
As
they said their farewells he had just briefly touched her hand and only after
she was long gone he realized that he knew next to nothing about her. He had
never even asked her name, not to mention any personal details. He had no idea
who she was, but one thing Ben Tucker knew; he had to see her again.
The
dean of the academy tore Ben from his musings. The instructors had assembled on
the dais and the dean started on his welcoming speech to the new students. Ben
let his eyes wander listlessly around the room, his thoughts still focused on
the last evening, and there she was. She wore the uniform of a Starfleet science
officer and had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, but there was no mistaking
that face.
‘And
I thought she was a colonist,’
Ben slightly rose off his seat to get a better look at her. The dean had
finished his speech and started to introduce the academy staff. As she rose and
took two steps forward Ben finally learned her name. “Lieutenant Veal, your
astrophysics instructor,” was what the dean said and Ben felt like the
introduction was meant for him alone. When their eyes briefly met Ben Tucker saw
the recognition in her eyes and lowered himself back into his seat. It would be
a very interesting three months.
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
