“Please tell me you are ready?” For the tenth time Caleb Foster checked the navigation read-outs. Just keeping the Hawk pointed in the direction he wanted had become increasingly difficult, as the gravimetric shear tore at the small ship with ever growing strength.
Reto
Kevas looked out the window as he sat behind the ops station and noticed the
flickering of the shields. Even a cursory glance at the instruments told him
they had not much time left.
“As ready as we will ever be,” the Bajoran said.
Lieutenant Foster just nodded, as another flash of lightning running around the ship signaled the imminent demise of the Hawk’s shields. “How much do you trust your calculations, Cadet?”
Tori kneaded her hands, each joint giving a soft cracking sound. “I am not sure. I need more time. Please?”
Caleb looked over his shoulder and he tried to force an encouraging smile on his face. “We don’t have time, but it’s my decision now, not yours, okay?”
Tori Xedon’s hands stopped their nervous movement and she hurried to sit down. She wanted to trust Crewman Reto’s work and she wanted to trust her own work, but the Lieutenant was right, they didn’t have time and that made anything else irrelevant.
“Computer programmed,” Kevas stated. “Just hit the button and we’ll see what happens.” ‘And may the Prophets have mercy on us.’
* * * * *
The USS Hawk shot out off the Argolis cluster at close to the speed of light.
“Yiiihaaa!” Caleb shouted at the top of his lungs. “What a ride!”
Just as the impulse drive died down he used the last bit of power to turn the small ship on a course towards the last known position of the Valkyrie and swiveled his chair around. “Wasn’t that exciting!”
“No,”
a pale-faced Reto Kevas replied and gulped audibly. Tori Xedon just held on to
her console with all her might, her eyes closed, her lips moving as she
continued a silent prayer.
“Oh come on, don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it at least a little bit,” Caleb remarked, just as all controls in the Hawk’s small cockpit went dead and Commander Tucker stepped through the opening cockpit doors.
“For what it’s worth, I thought it was quite a treat.”
Around the USS Hawk the stars vanished, only to be replaced a second later by the yellow lines of a holodeck grid. Commander Kobango and Captain Veal stepped from the control cabin and joined the Valkyrie’s Chief Engineer in debriefing the three crewmembers, who had so unknowingly taken part in an unscheduled training exercise.
* * * * *
“It’s me, Dar,” the voice
sounded from the hidden speakers.
“Come in,” Tarin replied,
raising her hand to stop Ben in the doorway that connected their quarters.
The door slid into the wall and
revealed the Bolian XO, who took two quick steps inside the Captain’s quarters.
“We need to talk,” he stated without further aplomb.
“I’d better leave you two alone,”
Ben remarked with furrowed brows. Never before had he heard such urgency in the
Bolian’s voice.
“I don’t care,” Dar cut him
off with a quick gesture. “You can stay or go, I don’t care.” He grabbed a
chair from Tarin’s dining table and pulled it into the middle of the room.
“I bet you know at least half of what you are going to hear anyway, so why
don’t you just stay.”
The Bolian’s acrid tone was hard
to miss. “What’s wrong, Dar?” Tarin gently asked, unwilling to draw Ben
any further into the discussion than her Executive Officer had already done. For
now this was between her and Dar and whatever Ben did was up to him.
Commander Tucker sat down at the
dining table, close to the window. As much as he wanted to get into the
discussion on Tarin’s side, he knew that he had to stay out of this as much as
possible.
“What has happened to us?”
“Damn it, don’t just look at me
like this,” Dar added, before Tarin had any chance to react or he had any real
chance to realize how she really looked at him. “Something has happened and I
need to know what it was!”
He slammed his clenched fist onto
his left palm with a smacking sound. “Don’t lie to me, don’t mushroom me,
just tell me the truth! I need to know the truth. You owe me that much, not
because I am your XO, but because I am your friend!”
Tarin turned her head to look out
the window and avoided the Bolian’s glare, but what she really wanted to do
was to just send him away. She had decided to keep the truth from most of her
crew and she still thought it had been the right decision, but now she was stuck
between a rock and a hard place. She needed to work with Dar and she needed to
trust him, but apparently he wasn’t willing to trust her if she kept the truth
form him. Yet if she told him, how would he deal with it? Wasn’t that why she
had kept it from him in the first place?
“Ben, will you excuse us, please.”
She
shot him a sideways glance without turning away from the window. Ben looked from
her face to Dar’s and back again. Something about the whole situation made the
hairs on the back of his neck stand on end; he could almost feel the tension
between them charge the air, but there was nothing he could do about it. This
wasn’t as much between Dar and Tarin as it was between the Captain and the XO
and he had no place in it. ‘Or isn’t there any difference,’ he
wondered as he got up and headed for the door.
Pausing in the open doorway he looked at their faces again and what Ben saw he didn’t like. Dar’s anger and frustration was so easy too read in his usually stoical expression that this alone would have startled Ben, but the trace of pain and regret he saw deep down in Tarin’s eyes truly worried him. What could it be that she held back from her XO that worried her so much?
*
* * * *
“I
haven’t seen you so agitated in years.” Tarin turned to her XO again and
leaned forward, resting her arms on her thighs. “What’s wrong with you,
Dar?”
“What’s
wrong with me? Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with you?” Commander
Enikal clenched his fist so strong his knuckles stood out white from his blue
skin. “I thought we were a team, that I could trust you and that you trusted
me, but now I am no longer sure.”
Tarin
held his gaze as she slowly answered: “Because I am keeping some things to
myself, which you think I shouldn’t?”
“Yes,”
he shot back, all his pent-up anger and frustration bursting forth in that one
word.
“No,”
Dar added after a few seconds of silence. His voice was calmer this time, but
still laden with a bitterness he only now started to understand.
“It’s both and neither.” He shook his head. Now that the fire burning inside him for days had suddenly died down he gradually became aware of what had been eating at him for almost a week. He ran both hands over his bald pate and rested them on his neck. As he stared up at the ceiling his fingers started to knead his neck and shoulders. “I know something has happened to us, but if you think it’s necessary to keep that to yourself that’s just how it is.”
After
a small pause Dar Enikal went on and his voice took on a softer tone.
“Whatever has happened, I am convinced that it was – that it is –
important. I tried so hard to remember, but every time I think it’s coming
back to me it slips right through my fingers again.”
He
looked at Tarin and crossed his arms over his chest. “If this is so damn
important, why can’t I remember it?”
“Because
sometimes our mind wants to protect us from things we might not be able to cope
with.” Tarin sighed. “There are things that are best left unknown and
forgotten, so our subconscious tries to shield us from them by repressing what
could hurt us.”
The
Bolian’s eyes narrowed and he studied his Captain’s face carefully. “You
know, don’t you? You really remember what I can’t recall?”
“There
is no way for me to tell if what I remember is the same thing that’s eating at
you or if it’s something completely different, but that’s not really the
issue, is it?”
‘How
can she know that?’
he asked himself and his eyes narrowed even more, but then a smile started to
play around his lips. They had known each other for years; how could she not
know. “You are right,” he admitted. “The last few days I started to doubt
my own instincts.”
Dar
leaned forward and looked down. “Suddenly I wasn’t able to trust my own
feelings anymore and I guess... I just wanted to avoid facing it, by projecting
all my anger and doubts on the trust that’s between us.”
He
fell silent, but Tarin understood him well enough. Distancing himself from his
own emotions had been a part of Dar Enikal’s nature for many years. It was
what allowed him to be such an efficient tactical officer, despite what that
sometimes required him to do. Where she relieved her emotional tension during
her off-duty hours, he just shut the most worrisome emotions away in a deep dark
place of his heart where even he couldn’t find them most of the time. From
time to time his pent up emotions tried to break through and he turned moody,
sometimes downright cranky, but it never lasted long.
“You
know that this happens to me from time to time,” Dar confirmed Tarin’s last
thought. “Most of the time it doesn’t take me long to find out what
unsettles me and I can deal with it, but this time it just doesn’t happen.”
“I
am sorry, I truly am. If there is anything I can do for you, just say so.”
Dar
inhaled deeply and held his breath for a moment before he slowly exhaled. “No.
I am the one who should be sorry. I shouldn’t have vented all my anger on you;
that was a mistake and I want to apologize for it.”
Tarin
shook her head. “Don’t. Isn’t that what friends are for?”
He
looked up, his face almost close to the stoical expression he usually wore.
“Maybe you are right, but it was still wrong of me.” He rose and placed the
chair he’d been sitting on back at the dining table. “I have troubled you
too much already. I’d better go now.”
As
he made for the door Tarin’s soft voice stopped him. “Dar, if you really
want to know, I could tell you the whole truth about what happened.”
Dar
Enikal looked over his shoulder and a small wry smile crossed his face before he
replied. “Some other day perhaps, but no, not today.”
*
* * * *
“It
looks like our timing is improving,” Admiral Avanessian remarked.
“Yes
sir,” Tarin replied with a smile and a courteous nod. She had carefully
calculated the sending of her report so it would reach Starfleet HQ early in the
morning, hoping that she would get a reply sometime during the early evening and
it had worked.
“Now
that I had time to study your report, why don’t you just tell me the truth,
Tarin?”
“Sir?” After she had foolishly
told him that whatever she put in that report might jeopardize the career of one
of her officers, Tarin had never expected Avanessian to just accept it without
question, so acting with just the right amount of surprise came easy to her.
The
Admiral shook his head at her like a teacher disappointed with a favorite pupil.
“Oh come on, Captain, you are not telling me that this is all there is to it?”
He waved a padd around in front of the viewscreen.
“Well,”
Tarin drew the word out as long as possible. “There was a subspace shockwave
that damaged many of the Valkyrie’s systems. The shockwave was caused
by the destruction of the Cardassian sensor buoys inside the Argolis cluster and
my helmsman involuntarily projected some of her thoughts to members of my crew
leading to hallucinations for the affected crewmembers. And while our medical
staff has still to determine the precise cause for Lieutenant Hagen’s
condition, they are confident it won’t happen again.” She paused for air and
leaned back in her chair. “It’s all in my report and I believe it is all
there is to know about our recent misadventure.”
“I
see,” Avanessian replied after careful consideration. “So you say that all I
need to know is in your report?”
Tarin
absentmindedly brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “Yes, sir, I believe
that covers it nicely.”
Admiral
Avanessian chuckled and shook his head again. “You know I am placing an awful
lot of faith in you by accepting this report as it is.” Before Tarin had a
chance to reply he went on. “Very well, for now we will leave it at this.”
“Sir?”
He
leaned forward and folded his hands on his desk. “If I had no faith in you I
shouldn’t have given you this command in the first place, so I might as well
go the whole nine yards.”
For all the time she had spent
working with humans Tarin still hadn’t managed to figure out why nine yards
should be different from, for example eight or ten yards, but she knew what he
meant. “Thank you, Admiral.”
Avanessian
made a throwing-away gesture. “That’s all right. Besides, I am in a good
mood today.”
Now
Tarin was really surprised. The wink that had accompanied the Admiral’s last
statement made it obvious he had something to say that had nothing to do with
Tarin’s report, but just as obviously he enjoyed the dramatic pause. “I am
glad to hear it. You wouldn’t like to reveal to me why you are in such a good
mood, would you, sir?”
“As
a matter of fact, yes, I would.” Avanessian grinned like the proverbial cat
that had just eaten the canary. “The Tarkington trial is almost over and it
went even better than we hoped for.”
“That
soon? From what you told me I was expecting this to be a rather messy and drawn
out affair.”
“So
did I Tarin, so did I, but it went without a hitch. No political or public
outcry, no questioning of your decisions and the media coverage was as
fair and impartial as we could have hoped for.” The Admiral’s grin turned
into a slight frown. “In hindsight I’d say we should have expected it.
Whatever supporters Tarkington might have, they must know that they would only
damage Starfleet if they tried to turn his court martial into a political issue.
That could hurt them just as much as it could hurt us.”
“I
see.” Tarin took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. “I don’t suppose
that invalidates the rest of what you and Admiral Fairchild have told me about
the political aspect of my mission, does it?”
“No,
I am afraid not.” Arkady Avanessian had known that the way Tarkington’s
court martial had played itself out was only a brief respite in what Elinor
Fairchild had called a coming crossroads, but he was still glad that Tarin had
recognized that on her own. “Still, whatever may happen next, I am glad that
Tarkington will get exactly what he deserves. There is no doubt about that now.”
“Good.”
Arkady Avanessian was taken aback by the cold steely expression of the woman on
his viewer, but as quickly as that sign of bitter anger had appeared it vanished,
as Tarin added: “But whatever happens to Tarkington it won’t bring back the
people he killed. Nothing can do that.”
“No,
no it won’t.” The Admiral fell silent as he thought about what he had just
seen in Tarin’s expression. He had called her a protector, not a warrior, but
for a second he had seen the warrior he had never expected her to be and Arkady
Avanessian was profoundly grateful that they were both on the same side.
“Well,
I’d say we both have other things to attend to. I’ll keep you posted on the
outcome of Tarkington’s court martial. Godspeed Captain.”
*
* * * *
“Enter,”
Dar said after the third ring of the door chime.
Moira
O’Shea stood in the open doorway and looked around without entering the
Commander’s quarters. She was surprised to see paintings and tapestries
covering all the walls, and the memorabilia and odds and ends filling the
shelves and cabinets were hardly what she had expected. On the Eclipse it
had been something of an unspoken law never to violate Commander Enikal’s
privacy, but as he had so aptly remarked two weeks ago, this wasn’t the Eclipse.
Moira
shuffled her feet uneasily. “I thought that, well... I thought that whatever
is troubling you, it might help if you talked about it.”
Dar
was stunned. Not even Tarin normally intruded into the privacy of his quarters,
but Moira...
There
was something that had attracted him to her since that one single moment of
understanding on L-351 and whatever had moved him in that instant, part of him
knew it had happened to her as well. They hadn’t talked about it, not even
mentioned it in any way in the intervening weeks, but it was still there.
He
rose and waved her closer with a wide, sweeping gesture. “Don’t just stand
there. Come in, please.”
*
* * * *
Theron
Jascar’s office was almost completely dark, only faintly illuminated by one
soft light above his desk. He reached for the bottle he had uncorked half an
hour ago and filled a glass.
He
took a careful sip, savoring the rich aroma and the faint aftertaste that
reminded him of cherries and raspberry. The wine wasn’t as dry as he preferred,
but he had to admit that Captain Veal had a good taste in beverages.
“You
would have liked her,” he said to the picture of his late wife and for a
second he thought that Helena’s smile widened just a little. The Captain had
been right; the pain would always be a part of him, but now he allowed sweeter
memories to mix with his sadness and he knew that in time the pain would become
bearable.
For
the first time in months Theron Jascar truly mourned and he let go of the pain.
He would never forget it, it would always be a part of him, but it would not be
as large a part of him as it had been before.
As
he reached out and his fingertips caressed the picture of his wife, the light
glistened on a tear that hung in the corner of his eye for a moment, before it
gently rolled down Theron Jascar’s cheek.
*
* * * *
“I
still can’t believe it was all a simulation.” Caleb Foster’s clenched fist
hit the table with a smacking sound that turned several heads in Ten Forward.
“They
had this all planned very well. No wonder they managed to fool us.” Kevas
sounded much less relaxed than his statement suggested.
“Yeah,
fine, I now that, but the Captain pulled one hell of a stunt on us, running us
through the whole mission as just a simulation.” Cal grimaced and downed the
last of his tranya. “I never thought she’d be such a mean piece of work.”
“Hey,
that’s no way to speak of the Captain! She is the best officer I know!”
“Geez,
man, relax.” Foster raised his hand to catch a waiter’s attention and
pointed at his empty glass. “I am just pissed, ‘cause I don’t think it was
fair to knock out the ship, regardless of how much I tried to evade the Ferengi,
that’s all.”
“But
hey, I am not complaining,” he added as he took the new glass he was handed.
“Maybe it wasn’t fair, but it still was one hell of a ride in the end.”
Caleb Foster raised his glass in salute. “And you know what, you’re welcome
to work on my ship anytime you like.”
*
* * * *
Ben
paced up and down his living room. The tension between Dar and Tarin had him
worried, but not for the reasons he had thought at first. Tarin was holding
something back from her First Officer, but what could it be?
When
she had asked him to keep quiet about his encounter with Rishana Hagen’s
dreamworld he had assumed it was to protect the Betazoid from any possible
repercussions of something that had been completely out of her control. Now, in
hindsight, he started to have his doubts. He had been too wrapped up in his own
thoughts the last few days to think things through. What if there was more to it,
something Tarin kept secret even from him?
As
Ben Tucker stopped pacing and breathed heavily, his eyes fell on his large
workstation. He had been reading up on the Eclipse and the Chaos War and
one of the screens still displayed the dedication plaque of the Eclipse: ‘A
true heart can outshine the brightest star.’
Could
he stop trusting her, even if she held back on him? Of course he couldn’t. In
his mind Tarin had always been that true heart and everything he had learned
about the war and her part in it had only strengthened that opinion. Little
did he realize how much it applied to him as well.
For
even if Ben Tucker had known about the sorrow and pain and death that had become
part of his destiny when he had fallen in love with Tarin Veal, it would not
have changed his heart.
*
* * * *
Before she had time to reply Tarin
was facing a blank screen, but she didn’t mind. She realized how shocked the
Admiral had looked at her expression only moments ago and Tarin was somewhat
stunned herself.
For
a moment she had felt what she could only think off as a devil-may-care resolve
– a willingness to do whatever it took to keep people like Tarkington from
gaining the influence in Starfleet Avanessian and Fairchild feared they were
aiming at. Was that really her?
She
passed the thought back and forth in her mind, turned it around, looked at it
from all possible angles and the answer was always the same.
Yes.
If
the future she had seen would come true, she would still do her best to protect
her crew, the Federation, and the ones she loved. If that required her to become
the fighter she had never thought herself to be, than there was no way around
it.
Suddenly
Tarin felt like smiling. She had made her choice and whatever the future held in
store, it was up to her to make the best of it.
*
* * * *
In
the river of time a small ripple appeared, as if an invisible stone had breached
the surface of the stream. Concentric waves formed around it, spreading outward.
Just
as the small eddies were nearly swallowed by the large, constant, waves of time,
another swell sprung up. The ripples it send outward crossed those that had
appeared before, reinforcing and steadying them, and from the point of their
convergence another wave spread forth.
As
the new pattern reached out it met other patterns that appeared in the stream
and they interlaced in a complex tapestry that tried to last against the
river’s strongest currents that tried to overwhelm it, yet in the endless flow
of time the pattern couldn’t last long.
But maybe it would last long enough.
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3