"You haven't told me about Doctor Jascar's latest test results, yet." Ben remarked as he sat down in one of the armchairs, facing Tarin across the coffee table in her quarters.
"No, I didn't." Tarin
took a deep breath. "It looks like my first impression was correct. The
physicals showed only a minimal increase in strength, but my stamina and
reflexes are better than ever." She rose and strolled to the replicator as
she went on. "While these things are difficult to quantify, Doctor Jascar
calls it something of an eight to ten percent enhancement, compared to my
previous physicals."
Tarin turned around and leaned
against the wall, holding her cup in both hands. "On the other hand there
is no way to be certain that this change is permanent, as Doctor Jascar couldn't
find any explanation for it." She shrugged and showed Ben a somewhat
apologetic smile.
"This is great," Ben
delightedly exclaimed, only to turn more serious a second later. "Which is
why I can't understand that you haven't told me about it already. You must have
known when we had lunch."
"Yes, I did," Tarin
slowly replied. She crossed the room again and sat down in the second armchair,
at Ben's side, but still a meter away from him. After taking a sip of cocoa she
carefully placed the cup on the table and leaned back. Tarin ran her eyes around
her room as she went on. "I am not sure about it, but there seem to be some
psychological or, if you will, mental changes happening to me as well."
Ben was tempted to cut in with
several questions, but he stopped himself at the last second. Instead he decided
to just give her the time she needed, which turned out to be about a minute.
Tarin took another sip of cocoa
and she held on to her mug with both hands. "This is something else that's
difficult to put into words, but since Rishana gave me her gift I feel more
self-assured, more... emotionally strong than I have felt since the launch of
the Valkyrie." She sighed. "What gives concerns me is how
little I worry about it. I feel more than ready to accept this change, despite
the fact that it may be some outside force messing with my head. That's why I
haven't talked about it before."
She shook
her head slightly, lost in her own thoughts. “I know it sounds contradictory,
but I am insecure about feeling more self-confident.”
She fell silent again and Ben took his time to carefully think about what she had just told him and to consider everything he knew about his fiancée. "Maybe it's not so big a change at all. Do you remember what you told me about your Shu'Mar training, or rather why you started it in the first place?"
Tarin looked at him from the corner of her eyes, but Ben was staring straight ahead, out the window, looking thoughtful. "Yes," she answered, unsure what his question had to do with anything.
Ben
Tucker turned his head to her and a smile played around his lips as their eyes
met. "You told me that you started it to gain a little more endurance and
hone your reflexes, but not to
improve your strength." His smile widened. "Isn't that just what you
have gained now?" Before Tarin had a chance to reply he went on. "Maybe
Rishana's gift - or whatever you want to call it – was just a shortcut to what
you wanted in the first place. If that’s true, I guess it would be the same
for any physical and mental changes, but I don't think it matters if I am
right or wrong here."
The smile stayed on his lips, but
his voice gained a weighty quality that came only over him when he was convinced
something was quite important. "This has happened to you before and it
probably won’t be the last time. Any time your life goes through some major
change – personal or professional - you have bouts of indecision and
self-doubts.” He paused and studied Tarin’s thoughtful face for a moment.
“It happened to you when we
first met and it happened when we met again on starbase 87. Same when you
decided to turn to a command career, when you became XO of the Galahad and again
when they gave you the Eclipse.” He paused until Tarin slowly nodded
her head, apparently agreeing with what he had said.
“Now
you have been put in charge of one of Starfleet’s largest ships only weeks
after being promoted to Captain, and it happened again. But as often as this has
happened to you before, you always pulled out of it sooner or later. I think
that’s what you’re going through right now and you are just reading too much
into it, based on what has happened lately.”
He reached out to her and she took his hand, their fingers interlacing. "Maybe you are right."
"Of course I am right,"
Ben winked at her.
Their
fingers still intertwined Tarin rose and moved to his side, sitting on the
armrest of Ben's chair and gently brushing her face through his hair. “Isn’t
it strange how I can always look at a scientific problem or a tactical situation
so methodical and impassionedly, but when it comes to my own life I sometimes
act so insecure.”
Ben freed his hand from her grip
and drew her from the chair’s armrest to his lap. “That’s not strange at
all. First of all you always wanted to be true to yourself and sometimes that
means facing your own emotions.”
“Go on.”
“The other thing is that you
always try to do your best when at work. To do it you sometimes have to shut out
your emotions, so it’s only natural that they come back to haunt you at the
end of the day. Keeping your strongest emotions at bay while on duty just means
they come back all the stronger when you are off duty.”
Tarin leaned forward, gently
touching her forehead against his, drawing a deep breath. “You are the best
thing that has ever happened to me, Ben Tucker.”
For a few minutes they just sat
there unmoving, listening to each other’s breath and heartbeat, sharing the
simple pleasure of just being close to each other. Ben was more than happy to
savor the moment, but there was something gnawing at his own mind. "Now,
speaking of emotional turmoil, I am about as ready as I will ever be to talk
about the trip to wonderland Rishana set up for me."
* * * * *
It was well after midnight when Tarin finally fell asleep, but Ben still lay awake at her side and thought about their conversation.
For hours he had told her about his false memories of a time he had never spent on the Eclipse. Most of his experiences had apparently been drawn from memories of the former crew of the Eclipse, but part of it he had shaped himself. That was probably why his relationship with Tarin hadn't felt quite right. Too often she had reacted as he had expected it, leaving 'her' with slightly less individuality or personality than would have been right.
Rishana had set up that whole episode for him without a sign of effort and thinking about it still frightened Ben. Without any trouble she had drawn on the memories of several dozen people - including Moira, who hadn't even been linked to her mind – to create that dream world for him. How much of that power had she retained after this episode and how much, if any, of it had she passed on to Tarin?
He turned his head and looked at his fiancée. Whatever had happened to her, there was more to it than the physical and emotional changes she had told him about. At least that was what Ben's instincts told him, but the same instincts told him that, even if he was right, Tarin was yet unaware of it herself.
Whatever it was, Ben couldn't quite put his finger on it. Everything about her seemed to be just more... vigorous in a way that went beyond any newfound self-confidence or physical changes. Was he right and this was a natural part of her that had only come to the fore now, or had he been wrong with that assumption?
No, Ben shook his head and grinned. He knew Tarin well enough. Whatever physical and mental changes had happened to her, it had only made her more herself. And while he couldn't begin to comprehend how the Well of Urd had changed Rishana, how much of a change could a fraction of the power contained in a few drops from the Well have changed Tarin? Not much, he concluded and whatever had happened to her, she was still the woman he loved.
He moved closer to her, her body turning away from him reflexively at the sudden touch, only to snuggle closer to him a moment later, turning around and draping an arm over his shoulder. Tarin’s hair brushed over his face and he knew he was where he wanted to be – the touch and smell was so familiar and yet so tantalizing that his dream about the time on the Eclipse seemed but a faint shadow compared to the real world.
And
yet, however unreal those memories had started to feel, some of them would be
with him forever. There was the death and the dying and the loss, but there was
something else, something he was grateful for, however frightening the whole
episode looked in hindsight. For weeks he had seen Tarin make all the hard and
sometimes dreadful decisions the war had required of her, but never had she
become untrue to herself.
As his mind slowly drifted off to sleep, his thoughts went to his fiancée and he smiled. Whatever changes had come to her, maybe it was time he initiated some more changes in their life, but how and when to do it... There was time enough, no need to hurry...
* * * * *
"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this Mr. Reto?" Ben Tucker asked, as the pair stepped from the turbolift into the Valkyrie's main shuttlebay.
Reto Kevas stopped and looked around the cavernous hangar, before turning to his department head. "Yes, Sir, I am certain about it." When Commander Tucker just looked at him quizzically the young Bajoran drew a deep breath. "I know that I have a lot to learn if I ever want to make a real career of my Starfleet service, but let's face it; I am a much better shuttle technician than systems engineer and with the addition of the Hawk you need one or two more people down here anyway."
Ben placed a hand on the crewman's shoulder and smiled widely. "Don't worry. You don't have to know everything to make it beyond crewman first class. Shuttle maintenance, like every other department, needs good and experienced people and you are both. As a matter of fact," Ben added as he led the Bajoran towards the USS Hawk, "I have it on good authority that the arrival of Hawk will necessitate some reorganization of our shuttle maintenance crews, which should open a new PO slot very soon."
Reto Kevas stopped dead in his tracks. "You don't mean that I could..."
Ben's laughter echoed from the walls of the shuttlebay and more than a few heads turned in his direction. "Oh come on. You have been a CM1 for what, one-and-a-half, maybe two years? You have a good, if somewhat untrained, grasp of technical problems and, what's more important, you have a real knack for finding a solution to those problems when it comes to small craft. If you hadn't volunteered for this job I would have given it to you anyway." He lead the way towards the Hawk again as he went on. "Just do your job as good as I expect you to and you will have more than earned any promotion Starfleet is willing to give you."
"Thank you, Sir," Reto Kevas mumbled, but when they reached the USS Hawk every thought about possible promotions vanished from his mind. He ran a hand over the hull of the small courier. To someone else the Hawk might have looked like an oversized shuttle, but Kevas recognized the telltale signs of an LF-35 warp engine that could propel the Tultrak-class ship to speeds well beyond warp 9. 'What else?’, he thought, as his eyes wandered over every centimeter of the hull. Before he had a chance to complete his examination Commander Tucker asked: "Shall we take a look inside?"
"With pleasure, Commander," Kevas grinned as Ben reached for the controls of the aft hatch. Just as the door slid aside a sharp, if somewhat youthful, voice stopped them both.
"What the hell are you doing with my ship?"
* * * * *
"I trust you had time enough to settle in, Cadet Tori, but if there is anything you need, you should say so now, before we get down to business."
"No Ma'am, everything is fine." Tori Xedon answered with a shy smile. "All I want to say is how glad I am to be aboard the Valkyrie."
Tarin returned the smile, but only for a second. "I am glad you said that, because it brings me straight to my next point." She leaned back into her chair at the head of the observation lounge table. "While I know that you requested this assignment yourself, I want you to be aware of what you are getting yourself into. The Valkyrie may be a Galaxy-class Explorer, but, as far as I can foresee these things, we may spend more time fighting Cardassians or Romulans than doing any real exploring. Are you absolutely certain you want to be part of this mission?"
Neither Tori Xedon's voice nor her featureless eyes gave a hint to her true feelings, when she answered after a moment. "Yes, Captain, I am certain. I realize I may get into a lot of danger here, but I joined Starfleet Academy to be out here, among the stars. Whatever the mission may be, on this ship I can still be among the very first to study a new phenomenon, explore new worlds, or just see what's out here before anyone else does."
Tarin's smile returned and this time it stayed on her face. As hard as the Komari's emotions were to judge, what she had said sounded just like what Tarin herself would have answered, if a chance like this had been offered to her during her Academy days. She was still not happy to take responsibility for a cadet just out off her third year, but if Tori Xedon had just told her what she truly felt, she had at least something to offer that had become all too rare in Starfleet over the last few months – the spirit of a true explorer.
* * * * *
Ben Tucker lazily turned around. He cocked his head at the officer who raced across the flight deck. "Your ship?"
Caleb Foster skid to a halt a meter from the two engineers. "Well, Commander, no, not really." He hadn't recognized the Valkyrie's Chief Engineer from the distance, but now a grin spread across the pilot's face. "At least not in the strictest sense of the word, but I still feel responsible for her."
Ben Tucker raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, but inwardly he grinned as much as Lieutenant Foster outwardly did. ‘What a smart guy,’ he thought. ‘At least he realizes that he needs us engineers to keep his ship in top condition.’
"Now, Crewman Reto and myself were just about to have a look inside the Hawk, but you are more than welcome to show us around."
"With pleasure, Sir." Caleb took a step forward and opened the hatch. He motioned for the Commander to lead the way and was quite surprised that the Chief Engineer allowed the Bajoran to step into the Hawk first.
"Uh, Commander, just out of curiosity..." he didn't finish the sentence, but stepped slightly in Ben Tucker's way and there was a glint in his eyes that demanded an answer to the question he hadn't even asked yet.
Yes, Ben thought, Tarin had been right, there was a certain similarity, but he himself had never been as arrogant as Foster – he had been brash, but never that offensive. If any officer he knew had ever needed to be cut down a little, it was Lieutenant Foster.
He flashed the Lieutenant an encouraging smile. "Yes, please go ahead."
Caleb returned the smile, feeling confident that the Commander would prove to be a reasonable man. "I can see why you would like to have a look at the Hawk, but I don't understand what the crewman is doing here." He quickly raised a hand in a defensive gesture, just as insurance. "Now I am sure you know what you are doing. As I said, I am just curious."
"Well," Ben replied, drawing out the word as much as possible, "as it happens Crewman Reto will be the maintenance supervisor assigned to the Hawk, so I thought he should familiarize himself with the ship as soon as possible."
Cal
Foster's jaw dropped. "A Crewman?!" His voice was just a bit
too loud and inside the Hawk Reto Kevas stopped dead in his tracks.
Before he had time to react Lieutenant Foster had regained his speech, if not
his composure. "Come on, that's a job for a PO1 at least, but not for a
mere Crewman! How could you..."
"I just did," Ben answered nonchalantly, the smile still playing around the corners of his mouth. Before Foster had time for another outburst Ben called for Reto Kevas. "Kevas, I just remembered a previous commitment I had completely forgotten about. Just have a look around and let me know if you find anything out of the ordinary."
"Uh..., ah..., yes Sir..., I will, Sir," the Bajoran's stammering reply sounded muffled and Ben was sure it wasn't because he was too far inside the Hawk.
"Now, Lieutenant Foster, if you will excuse me." Without waiting for a reply Ben turned on his heel and headed for the nearest turbolift. Maybe Foster needed to learn a lesson in humility, but if Reto Kevas wanted to hang on to the job he had just been given, he needed to learn a lesson or two himself.
* * * * *
After they had discussed Tori Xedon's duties with Lieutenant Commander Kobango, the Chief Science Officer, Tarin had involved the cadet in the discussion of the Valkyrie's current mission, but now it was time for the Komari to attend to her newly assigned duties.
As the doors closed behind Tori, the Captain turned to the senior science officer. "So, David, what do you think?"
David Kobango took his time to answer, but when he did he looked quite satisfied. "She has a lot to learn, but she knows what she is talking about and she only talks when she believes she has something important to say. Both I like."
Tarin breathed deeply and slowly exhaled. Of all the candidates the Personnel Department had offered her for Chief Science Officer, David Kobango had been her first choice – a choice she had so far not regretted.
Other
Captain's liked to receive the input from every science department separately,
but Tarin needed someone to take that responsibility off her shoulders. As much
as she was interested in what the other scientists on board had to say,
patrolling the hotbeds of Romulan and Cardassian activities would leave her
little time for it.
"Same here," she remarked. "I would like you to put her to some real work as soon as possible. Her record says she is good at mathematics and computer simulations, so why don't we have her work with the stellar cartography department and let them try to come up with some reliable model of the conditions inside the Argolis cluster."
"That," Lieutenant Commander Kobango carefully replied, "will be quite difficult, if not impossible."
"I know." Tarin answered. For a moment she was lost in David Kobango's musical voice and not for the first time she wondered, if he had ever considered a career as a singer. "I know how difficult it will be, but if she is as good as her academy instructors claim, she will either come up with a solution or be honest enough to admit that she can't. Either way I want to know what her answer is."
* * * * *
Reto Kevas ran his eyes over the controls of the Hawk, while he waited for the ship's computer to finish the diagnostic of the warp and impulse engines. The cockpit was somewhat cramped, but it didn't really need that much room. The Tultrak-class had been designed to be operated by a single person for extended periods of time and the computer and auto-pilot could take over a lot of the jobs performed by the crew on a larger starship and the diagnostic software was no exception.
As Kevas had left the cockpit door open he could hear someone coming towards the cockpit, but he was sure it wasn't Lieutenant Foster and he was grateful for it. The footsteps were too slow and too heavy for the pilot and when Kevas looked up he got on his feat.
"Senior Chief Thordon."
"Sit down kid." The burly Andorian gestured at the chair Kevas had just vacated and lowered himself into the seat at the tactical station. "I am not an officer, so no need to come to attention for me."
"Understood, Senior Chief."
"Good. At least you are clever enough not to call me sir, but in the future Chief will do nicely. All that being called 'senior' makes me feel even older than I am." He leaned forward and rested his big hands on his knees. "Now what do you think of this ship, Mr. Reto?"
The young Bajoran smiled widely. "I like her, Chief. Fast, compact, sturdy and all the critical components are easy to reach. Maintenance of the Hawk should be fairly easy."
"Well, they designed this class for use on new colony worlds and smaller stations that might need a courier, but are too unimportant to have a large starship diverted to the task. Easy maintainability was a must-have under those circumstances." Chief Thordon looked around the cockpit and pointed his chin and antennae at the diagnostic read-outs. "Anything wrong with her?"
Kevas shook his head. "Not really, but some of the warp components show an unusual amount of wear. Looks to me like someone has been pushing the engines to the limits lately and I just wanted to double-check that nothing was in immediate need of replacement."
"Someone?" Thordon rose an eyebrow and glanced at the Bajoran. "I have a pretty good idea who that someone was and so do you. Must have been Foster, that jerk." The Andorian sounded calm enough, but Kevas spotted a glint in the older man's eyes when he mentioned the pilot's name that spoke volumes about his true feelings.
"You better not let him hear that, Chief."
The Andorian grunted loudly. "Do you think I would take any crap from him, Lieutenant or not?"
Reto Kevas thought about it, but not long. Chief Thordon wouldn't stand up to Foster's antics and if push came to shove he would certainly push back. Slowly and deliberately the Bajoran shook his head. "No Chief, I don't think so."
"Good," the Andorian declared, "and neither should you."
* * * * *
„This is impressive,“ Dar
exclaimed as the doors of the astrometry department closed behind him.
“You have never been here before?”
Lt. Commander Kobango looked over his shoulder at the Bolian, who just shook his
head.
For now unfazed by the XO’s
presence, David Kobango returned to his work and Dar Enikal looked around the
huge chamber.
A narrow bridge connected the door
with two workstations on a platform suspended in the centre of the huge
spherical room. A single viewscreen covered the walls of the two-story high lab
and displayed every detail of the Argolis cluster in vivid detail. As Dar
watched the nebula waft around the chamber something deep inside him stirred.
While he new this was just an image based on sensor readings, the picture of
clouds and fog-like nebula touched a memory he hadn’t been aware of until now.
He watched Kobango call up three separate sub-displays on the main screen, that
showed data the Bolian cared nothing about, and he took a few steps forward,
crossing the bridge.
“Doesn’t this remind you of
something?” he asked, pointing his chin at the main display.
“A few other nebulae and such, but
that’s not what you mean, is it?” Commander Kobango remarked, again glancing
over his shoulder.
“No.” Dar shook his head
vigorously. “Just look at it. Green and foggy and moving about all the time.
It’s like I have seen it before, but the only thing it reminds me of is the
Well of Urd and that can’t be it. It must be something that’s a lot closer
to me, more current… I don’t know, maybe I am wrong, but there is something
about it…”
David Kobango closed the sub-screens
he had opened just a moment ago and stared at the huge display. “Now that you
mention it,” he carefully stated, a small pause between each word, “there is
something about it that I don’t know what to make of.”
“Must be just my imagination.”
He swivelled his chair around and looked up at the Bolian. “Now, what brings
you here, Commander?”
Dar slowly sat down at the second
workstation, taking that moment to compose his thoughts. “I wanted to talk
with you about our current mission and about Cadet Xedon, or rather Cadet Tori,
as things are.”
“Ah yes, our latest crewmember.”
Kobango glanced at the screen and activated the secondary displays again.
“Judging by her Academy record she is one remarkable cadet. As far as I can
tell she is something of a wunderkind at mathematics and completely dedicated to
her work. If she has any shortcoming, it’s that dedication to her work.”
Dar was finally drawn back to
reality by the science officer’s last remark. “What do you mean?”
“If there is anything she needs to
learn, it is working with others. So far Tori has been able to get by with what
she is really good at, but sooner or later she needs to learn how to work as
part of a diverse team, broaden her horizon. I suspect that is why Starfleet
agreed to have her assigned here in the first place.”
“I get you. Any recommendations?”
“Just one. No, make that two.”
Commander Kobango fully turned his chair to the Bolian XO. “One. We should
involve her in away missions as much as we can. With just a small team around,
she will be forced to work in other disciplines than mathematics.”
Dar passed the thought back and
forth in his head. Throwing a cadet in the middle of an away mission could be
difficult for all personnel involved, but even for the Valkyrie’s crew
there would be more than enough low-risk missions to put the Cadet in the thick
of things without unduly placing her in danger. “Agreed. What’s number two?”
“To keep her away from the Captain
as much as you – or I – can.” Noticing the Bolian’s puzzled expression
he quickly continued. “Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with the
Captain, but I know her service record. I know she started out as a specialist
in space sciences and learned other skills much later. If we allow Tori to take
the Captain as a role-model she may think she can do the same.”
“And if we allow that, it may take
her longer than it should to broaden her horizon, as you have put it, is that
what you are saying?”
“Yes.” David Kobango smiled.
Having a tactical officer as the XO had worried him a little, but at least the
Commander knew how to listen. On the other hand the Bolian had served on a
Nova-class ship for over two years and David could think of no Starfleet XO who
would be thick-headed enough not to pick up a few things about dealing with
scientists during such an assignment. “There is nothing wrong with finding
your forte early in your career, but being a Starfleet officer takes more than
that.”
* * * * *
"You can't be serious!" Kevas stared wide-eyed at the Senior Chief, who just leaned back and folded his arms across his chest.
"Oh, and why not?"
"But jerk or not, he is still a Lieutenant! Standing up to him may be easy for you, but I am just a Crewman First."
"And I thought you were smart, kid." Thordon shook his head reproachfully. "Why do you think I could get away with standing up to him, while you couldn't?" He expected no immediate reply, but he was more than willing to provide the crewman with the answers he needed.
"If you think it has anything to do with me being a Senior Chief or with my age, you are wrong on both counts. I know guys like Foster. I am enlisted, he's an officer, and to him that is all that counts. As for my age," Thordon grimaced, "in his eyes that probably makes me an 'old fart', but not someone to respect."
For a moment Kevas looked at the Andorian slack-jawed and astonished, before he realized that the Chief was most likely right. As he started a reply the Chief shook his head and continued in a lecturing voice.
"The only difference between you and me is that I know guys like him and you don't. You see, kid, Starfleet is pretty good at weeding out troublemakers, but once in a while someone like Foster slips them by. Maybe it's because he knows to keep his mouth shut when things could get really serious for him, or maybe it's because his former COs didn't want to deprive him of the chance to learn and were a bit too lenient toward him, but that doesn't really matter."
Chief Thordon leaned forward and flashed Kevas an encouraging grin. "I don't know about Foster, maybe he is as good a pilot as he thinks he is, but you are pretty good at your job, too. Now if he gives you any trouble just because he feels like it and you stand up to him, what do you think will happen to you? Let me tell you: Not a thing."
He gave the Bajoran a moment to think about it and he could see the understanding slowly showing in the young man's eyes.
"I guess... I guess you may be right, Chief. He is not in my direct chain-of-command and any complaint he wants to file against me has to pass through several other hands..."
"Exactly." Thordon smiled at Kevas. "None of the high-ups on this ship will take any BS from Foster – they will judge only by the facts, nothing more, nothing less." He rose and turned to the cockpit door, but before leaving he stopped and looked down at Reto Kevas. "Now don't let this newfound wisdom get to your head."
"Make
sure when you stand up to Foster, or anyone like him, that you are right and he
is wrong. As I said, people on this ship will judge by the facts and if you
are wrong and he is right just keep your mouth shut and swallow your
pride. One fool is enough for this ship"
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
